I got a call from X who is currently residing in the US. About X, he is from a small town in Tamilnadu. I know him for past 5 years now and he has been a good friend from day one. He has so much of things to be inspired about and I look upon to him whenever I had personal and professional issues. Being a senior in profession he has guided me always with his matured advises. He has really worked hard to reach the place where he is today.
X has called me to inform about his wedding. His better-half is also from India. The wedding was happening in US with just their friends being around and supporting them as their families hadn’t accept their wedding. They are in relationship for past 3 years. X informed me about it casually a year back. I was shocked. A man who is matured in his thoughts, whom I have inspired in work, who I thought was ideal example to be in life has completely become a guy who I think I should stop following or consider as an example in life. Oh I forgot to tell you why I was shocked. It was because “He was in relationship with a guy and HE IS A GAY”.
Excerpts from our conversation the moment I heard it from him:
Me : “I never seen any such qualities in you earlier.”
X : “What qualities are you talking about?”
Me : “You don’t act feminine, you have not pierced your right ear etc. that I had read about homosexuals.”
X : “Hey wait. U are categorizing me now. It’s all myth. Me and my partner as you saw, we do not have any feminine characters. And also if a guy exhibit feminine character doesn’t mean he needs to be a gay.”
Me : “Ok wait. You were in relationship with a girl earlier. Did you breakup because of this?”
X : “Not really. It was different.”
Me : “How can you be in relationship with a girl when you are a gay. Then are you bisexual?”
X : “The love I had for my ex-gf was true. We were in good terms but break up was not due to this. But I had always had interests for guys.”
Me : “So the city life changed you so?”
X : “I had my first encounter in the paddy fields in my village. You think villagers can’t be homosexuals?”
Me : “I haven’t heard before about villagers having homo sexual feeling.”
X : “It’s all in closet. Even I was so. But the freedom I have got here in US have given me confidence to move ahead with this identity. If I was in India probably I would have been a bachelor life long maintaining this part of me as secret or married a woman and have lived with dual identity.”
Me : (in sarcastic tone) “I have read that gays always have multiple partners and they don’t stick to one. So how far are you going to take this relationship?”
X: “Not everyone have multiple partners for life. Initially they might go on trial and error relationship as the even the straight guys do.”
Me : “Wouldn’t your family be affected because of this?”
X : (his voice choked) ” I have not told them this yet. We have to face it.”
Our conversation didn’t end there. I have always had debates on this with him and the reasons I quoted why it’s not acceptable and the answers from him are as follows:
- ‘Its against nature’ – It can’t be against nature because there is no chip inserted into the body of homosexuals and have made them gay or lesbian forcefully. If you think ‘the feeling’ for men towards women is by nature, then ‘the feelings’ for homosexuals towards their partners is also by nature.
- ‘The homosexuals can’t be committed to a single partner’ – If you think so, just make sure if there is no extra marital affairs in the society
- ‘The homosexuals would be hindrance to public’ – As if the straight folks are pretty decent everywhere around.
- ‘The homosexuals would molest kids and rape’ – This should be the fear in men because we are used to child molestation and female rapes but we are in fear if a man would rape another man.
- ‘They would spread AIDS and other STD (Sexually transmitted Diseases)’ – Whether it is a homosexual or heterosexual, unsafe sex leads to STD.
- ‘It is against our culture.’ – Please do visit the ancient temples and when you makes rounds there just try to spend some time in seeing the sculptures. Also we have heard stories of Lord Vishnu turning as mohini and making love with Lord Shiva.
- ‘They would be a hindrance like hijra’ – Hmmm they might be in future if we don’t motivate them or support them. They will definitely be angry on the society if we treat them like untouchables, boycotting them , treating them with hatred and using them as sex symbols.
It took me sometime to get convinced. I got convinced when I met his partner over Skype and I should say, they were very normal and matured couple. I wasnt feeling uncomfortable in their presence. I still remember only one thing X’s partner had told during the conversation – “Every relationship needs commitment to take it forward. If you are declaring yourself as a gay or lesbian, find a partner who matches your wavelength and we should be ready to get committed. If you are just going to be dating and mating, at the end of the day you are not going to have anyone to walk beside you in the journey of life. Physical pleasures are temporary. We should gain respect by our work, confidence and behavior. Surely the day we will be accepted is not far away.”
I decided then, that I should support X and stand by him at any cause. As X mentioned it is not a disease or disorder. This is just by nature. Lets value them as humans and allow them to live their life peacefully.
My questions to my dear readers:
- Are you really in support for the same-sex couples ? If not, please remove the shades from your FB display picture.
- Will you accept your best friend if he or she is a homosexual? Will you be close as before to them?
- Will you maintain relationship if one of your relation confesses to you about their sexual orientation?
- Will you counsel the family or speak to them about the closed ones sexual orientation?
- Will you maintain secrecy about their orientation if they want you to?